Sunday, May 27

ninja clan, here we stand
tehe, sorry, just couldn't help myself ...

this is a time to stay calm, but the adrenaline pours into her blood vessels and excites her heart. like you do. or maybe you're the one injecting the stimulant in. what ever it is, i think she's addicted. it may not be illegal, but god it's creating a habit. but she doesn't seem to care about the side effects, she just cares about you. she's on a high when she's around you, or talking of you. i'm scared that you will let go and she will fall. i hope she doesn't fall too hard, because i'm not strong enough to catch her. i hope you will catch her, because if you don't, even if her bones don't break, her heart will. and i don't know how to fix that. i don't know how to make it better. i don't know how long i can keep the pressure on this gapping wound...

but everything means nothing, if i ain't got you... (alicia keys)

Saturday, May 26

Jayde lost her iPod. I don't know who Jayde is, but i do know her iPod, as it is right next to me here. My mum found it on Thursday in Box Hill, but we have no idea how to return it, and now mum's getting excited over software and such. But I was riffling through it, and she has an amazing, absolutly fantastic taste in music, so even though i think my mum does deserve an iPod, I don't think she should have Jayde's. So iPod owners, atleast put one contact in the contact section, because if you lose it, they will become your best friend. I'm just hoping that Jayde will google "lost iPod" or "found iPod" in sheer hope and desperation and stumble across this blog. JAYDE! WE HAVE YOUR IPOD! um... that doesn't some like a ransom note does it? so if you know someone called Jayde who has lost her ipod, or if you are jayde, contact me, and i'll ask you a series of questions, maybe to identify you as jayde or just because i like prying into other people's tremendous taste in music. my mum's going to see if something come's p in the local paper, she wants to give it a week, i want to wait a month, but then again, free iPod. but jayde, you must find this post and find your iPod, unless you just have heaps of cash the throw around...

google search words
Jayde's iPod
omg i lost my ipod
black 80GB iPod (pretty fucking expensive (excusing my potty mouth))
apple iPod

note: this isn't an iPod plug, i don't have an iPod, i have a creative MuVo^2 and he is the most handsom mp3 of all. see here.

Tuesday, May 22

he walked to meet me on mark, perfectly playing his own part, while i squirmed inside my shoes, the ones i wasn't meant to wear. he said "hello" and i said "hello" and he asked "how are you?" so i wondered and i tried to think, but i had forgot my lines again. and the people in wings, screaming words that weren't mine, "I'm fine, how are you?""I'm fine, how are you?!" but i don't feel so fine. followed by scripted small talk, that i can't stand in real life, but maybe this is real life, maybe this is what life's like. "well I'll catch you later" he said, after nothing was really said at all, "i really hope you catch me" i said "because i know i'm going to fall". i should have said the right lines, i should have told the nice lie, the people in the wings sneered, but he smiled and understood. "i don't feel fine either" he whispered and suddenly his shoes changed, we fled the stage labeled "life" and ran out into the world.

it was going to be a song, so maybe if you sing it, it'll sound nicer, unless you don't like your singing voice. but you probably do and just don't know it yet.

Sunday, May 13

A penny for your thoughts, I'm more interesting in buying than selling, but always willing to share.

I am now officially, this post shall serve as written evidence, on an incredible high.
Indie, one of the most astounding and terribly charming writers has nominated me for a Thinking Blogger Award! His blog captures my conciousness rather often and his stories are fantasticly woven, written and increasely addictive. I'm pretty sure I can't nominate him in return, but if i could he would definately be at the top. So here are the rules and my nominations.

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
3. Optional: Proudly display the Thinking Blogger Award.

I nominate:

Perplexed' s blog isn't often updated, but i feel the immense talent shown in the writings make up for it completely. the depth and content is incredible.
II. Enemy of the Republic's blog
Cruel Virgin is amazing. full stop. i am in total awe of her strong personality and opinions, even (and maybe especially) when she gets crap from commentees. Fantastic reading for provoking thoughts.
KittyMeow has a reasonably young blog, but it's artistic flair is really quite amazing. and she's Australian, which doesn't sway my vote at all, but i did fell the bubbling sense of national pride when i found out.

I don't know another two... so this post will be updated when i find some really pretty gems. thanks again to Indie, you are a legend!

"it'll be okay" Greg whispered, "please don't fall apart".
Rei tried to hold it in, but she couldn't move her arms to stop the seams from ripping open. She just lay there, fully aware of the tear and terribly conscious of her inadequacy. what could she do? what could she say? she strained her mind to stimulate her hands, to wiggle her fingers, but there was simply no response.
Greg began to move in, but then withdrew, not sure how to approach the situation. beads of sweat formed on his brow and slowly accelerated down the side of his face.
"right, we can do this" he said in a voice lacking any convincing tone.
he jumped in, the pointed edge piercing into Rei's skin.
"i'm so sorry," Greg whispered as he repeated it again and again.
Rei whimpered silently, her insides churning with every stabbing pain.
She looked up to the ceiling and wondered if it would ever end, and just like that it did.
Greg tied the knot and suddenly everything was okay.
"good work little one," Greg smiled, patting Rei's head, "you look great"
He lifted her up in his arms, she still unable to move her own body, and sat her up next to the clock. She tried to smile in thanks, but relised she was already smiling. It was the fixed smile she was created with, that she would live with and disintegrate with. living the lifetime of fabric and thread with nothing more than cotton to join her inside her stitched up head.

Friday, May 11

she fell off the face of the planet, just like that. no words, no letters, no numbers. only return to sender envelopes, blocked e-mail addresses and an endless telephone ring. you can hear it ring inside your head. you hope that if you start talking then she'd pick up the phone, because that always seems to happen when you don't want it to, resulting in you having to explain why you said "ass" when they said "hello". you would rather she said "hello" and hung up than this never ending ring. it's inside your ears, it's inside your head, it's inside your dreams. you've woken up to the phone ringing three times, and only one of them was the actual phone. telemarketer. you asked her name three times just in case. the accent killed hope at the "good evening, sorry to call you, but my name is Lina and we fantastic deals on...". it was also the sorry part. she would never be sorry to call. that wasn't like her. she would be sorry if she hurt you or if your goldfish died, but not for calling. she didn't believe that someone should be sorry for trying to communicate, unless they were trying to sell something. that's why her absence is scaring you. why the ringing phone haunts you. because she hasn't called. she hasn't said, or written, or typed, or encrypted a single word to you. you don't have any photos of her and her letters you can't seem to find. it's like she may have never existed at all. there's nothing. except for the words carved into your mind. and your heart. and your soul.
"don't forget me..."

Monday, May 7

she whispered "i think i love you"
he whispered "i know i do"
she laughed "how can you be so sure?"
he laughed, but it sparked an internal war,
she keep talking, but wasn't alright,
he felt her pain and held her tight,
she cried "i just feel so lonely"
he cried inside, no emotions ran free,
she said "we need some time apart"
he waited, the battle fighting against his heart,
she paused for a day or two,
he whispered "i miss you"
she screamed "just leave me be"
he whispered "you cut me too deep..."

silly frances, you're thinking without acting and acting without thinking too much...

Tuesday, May 1

we should be talking. why aren't we talking? because you're not saying anything, and neither am i. but do we need to keep up conversation when everything said is a lie? i liked those lies... but only because i liked talking with you...
she smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles, when the world is hers and she held your eyes, out in the breezeway, down by the shore, in the lazy summer.
and she pulled you in, and she bit your lip, and she made you hers. she looked deep into you, as you lay together, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer...
but you've already lost, but you've already lost, but you've already lost,
when you only had, barely enough to hang on...

and she combed your hair, she kissed your teeth, and she made you better than you'd been before. she told you bad things, you wished you could change, in the lazy summer. and she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry, as she lay in your lap. she said "nobody here can live forever", quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer...
but you've already lost, but you've already lost, but you've already lost,
when you only had, barely enough to hang on...

she said, "no one is alone, the way you are alone," and you held her looser than you would have, if you ever could have known. some things tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure, days like that should last and last and last...
but you've already lost, but you've already lost, but you've already lost, when you only had, barely enough of her to hang on... hang on... hang on... hang on.

(Dusk and Summer - Dashboard Confessional)

i'm so smitten... dammit...