Monday, August 30

Where do we go? Nobody knows... I've got to say, I'm on my way down, God give me style and give me grace, God put a smile apon my face...

Yay! Parent teacher interviews! None! So I get the day off! Pity theres no one to share it with... party of one. Many strange thoughts running through my head, let us grab one and write it down.
tomorrow isa tuesday and I don't know if I'll see it. I always complain about Tuesdays "Its still Tuesday!" you might hear me say with annoyance. But Tuesdays are rather enjoyable, even though I have to wake early for band, its stage band and the music we play is worth it. I also have my trumpet lession on tuesday so I get to miss out on a class which is a bonus. Maybe I shouldn't complain so much about tuesdays, but its not tuesday at the moment so how can I tell whether I'll be annoyed about it being tuesday tomorrow when today is Monday and I'm home alone pumping Coldplay? With no one but my fat cat Esky.
Tomorrow won't be cool, everyone will be saying how cool their day off was. not me... All I got to show for it is this blog and a short story how I walked around a couch in my living rooms 250times (2kms worth) because it was raining outside. I hate this I hate you. Its nothing personal....

Tell all my friends I'm dead, I'm leaving you, this time its for good. Tell all my friends that I'm dead, It won't be long before you forget my name...

Sunday, August 29

From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep, I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me, I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care...

Today is sunday, woo and yay.
I don't like this. I'm never invited over to Kates and then suddenly amy's online and guess where she is? At Kates. And no she can't talk to me now because they're going out. And this happens all the time and the reason I wasn't invited was that "Kate could only have one person" which was amy's excuse, but I know Kates mum I she wouldn't of had a problem with me being over there. And this happens all the time and I hate it, I'm so reved up right now and I feel like breaking something. Then Amy goes brings her discman to school and her and Kate listen to it, only two earpieces, sorry Frances, oh no, we can't talk to you, we're listen to music, hey! where are you going? When will it stop? I'm bringing this stuff up becasue I'm annoyed. I'm going to go now.
Whats funny is they'll never read this =(

So I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention and you know how much I need you, but you never even see me...

Friday, August 27

your smile

your smile,
breaks through my sadness,
makes me see the light,
and forget about the darkness.

your smile,
seems to break the ice,
melting away my sorrow
and leaving all things nice.

your smile,

made my heart beat again
knowing I got someone
I can call a friend

thank you for smiling,
coz you made me smile too,
And I'm just so thankful,
to of found a friend like you...

Alex, you are so cool, thank you.
Yes today I feel much better thank you all very much, but I still can't see what I want out of life. Its strange really, i guess I never did. I'm at school at the moment, half our clas is at interschool sport so we have a boring Mind and Body class in teh library, woop-dee-dooo

smiling wider ;)
thank you alex :D

Thursday, August 26

whats the difference between today and yesterday? well today was a half day, well a two thirds day, getting off at lunch time. Saw a movie with some people, got a sticker photo, yeah its in my wallet. Bought some stuff for "christmas in a box" for orphans in Belarus, but forgot half the list. Then blogged and wrote like I said I wouldn't write.
Today was different, I walked home and thought, and made up a song, it was one of the hopeless songs. I can't remember it all now but it went something along the lines of:

I'm in my glass box again
without anyone to call a friend
one foot away and I can't reach you
I can't kiss you like I really want to
my head is breaking, my heart is aching,
my head isnt right, my heart is gone
nothing is sane, nothing is right
sleeping in the day awake at night
thinking of this harsh reality
find the power to break free
but I'm still one foot away and still can't reach you
still can't kiss you, like I still want too
the scars from the glass bleed deep
now neither day or night I sleep
nothing shines brightly anymore
I once knew, but now i'm not sure
why I'm one foot away and won't reach out
why I won't listen to you scream and shout
that you're hurt and in pain,
that nothings right and nothing sane,
the lack of sun, lack of light,
how you can't sleep at night,
how you're one foot away and you can't reach me,
that you can't kiss me as you want too so deeply...

or something like that.... yeah, its kinda corny now...
time changes me... time changed me... I don't care anymore...

Tuesday, August 24

"Jesus I beleive in You and I would go, to the ends of the earth, to the ends of the earth for you, alone are the Son of God, and all the world will see, you are God, you are God."

I sang that tonight, I also reliesed that I din't have enough gut, enough faith to do that. I'll just sing "And I would go to the ends of the earth", and then go home, go to sleep and get back in old ways. I hate it, I really loathe it, but I can never hold on to this awesome Godlyness from the night before, let alone at school.
School is a nightmare for me at the moment, I have no place, I just wander around with anyone, changing to fit into their mood and their character. I say things I don't like saying, things that make me feel unclean but with the satisfaction that someone heard it and noticed me. I just want to be seen.
Do you see me?

Sunday, August 22

I'm baaaaaaaccccckkkkkkkk. Yeah I got bored, and I never really could abandon my poor regenerated imagination, its just too awesome and bewildering. kinda addictive. But I will make a change, I want to write something with relavence, importance during my posts, not just like "i did this and this and lalala some song lyrics". no I want some depth. But that doesn't mean I won't have some song lyrics... or alot of song lyrics, they have a mind of their own and just kinda get stuck into this blog, so yeah. BLAH!
Well, I'll start off with an intorduction, for this little piece that will be the beginning of what never ended.

I am Frances, people also call me Frachise, Franlea, Cecil, Penelope, Frac-es, and a few other variations. I'm a Christian, although I'm not too forward in it, which I don't like, I wish I could be more full on about my faith infront of others but it just doesn't work that way, I have to work on it.
I like music, yes, I really do, like the majority of everyone. Most types are pretty sweet, not really keen on r'n'b and rap, and got kinda an obscesion with jazz at the moment, oh Louy, Duke and Ella, you guys are so cool. I also like, REM, Gary Jules, Third Day, Delirious, The Beatles, Coldplay, Aqualung, a few of Smashing Pumpkins songs, and all those one hit wonders and songs from musicals, eg. singing in the rain, hair, west side story and more recently due to school production, sweet charity.
I'm a bit of a drifter in the friend department, yeah I have friends ( well I hope I do...), just the ones I hang around change from time to time, they're all so cool and then I can't decide and end up drifting. Kate and Amy I love you guys but you know those headphones piss me off. And I'm just one of those all-round people that can kinda fit and not belong anywhere at the same time. I'm multi-talented.
I play tennis, I've played around, 8 seasons, the last 2 not including this one, we one the grand final, because we are so cool. Well actually I'm about to stop playing tennis at the end of this season which was... yesterday. and start a new more novel for the fun sport, like karate or fencing or water polo, well not water polo but its pretty hot.
I think that discrimnation is the worst thing anyone can catch, I talk like it is a disease because it is, its dis-easing for those who gets targetting and it eventually eats away at the person who made it. If there's one thing I hate its that, and whats worse is that I do a bit of it myself, all humans are hypocrits at sometime in there life, get over it.
My new, favourite, repedative song at the moment is bananaphone! woo! its sooooooc grool! um... I was meant to say cool...

Well thats me cheerio ladies and gents!

Thursday, August 19


Tuesday, August 17

what is this nameless nothing,
that steals every hope and daydream,
what is this hopeless feeling,
what does this emptyness mean?

I can not see, for some reason,
who, what, when and why,
I have life but no explaination,
why these tears of hurt I cry.

the need of a friend
the need of a friendly place
the need of a very good friend
and a loving, friendly face

I have everyone of these,
so many have much less,
but no one seems to have the keys,
for the door to my cell of sadness

"are you alright? are you okay?"
"is it really that bad?"
"maybe its just one bad day"
"...why are you so sad?"

I don't know how to reply,
these feelings I don't know,
many times I have asked why,
they just came here, and now they won't go....