pull the loose thread and watch it run, through tangles and knots, becoming undone. weave me back into a better form, have me breathing before the dawn...

one of those days where the bad/annoying things definately outweigh the opposition. results in myself screaming in my head "idiot, you complete idiot, what where you ever thinking" when i click on a mine in minesweeper. out of everything that happened today, i start yelling at myself over bloody minesweeper. its not like i had money on it or that i was trying to prove myself to anyone. maybe it just symbolises my state of mind right now, i'm in a game by myself where i win or a lose, no maybes or inbetweens. black and white print. but my view is purely based on the greys in life. without the grey we have no free will, nothing is new. you do this because of that, this happens because that happened. what a simple exsistance. maybe it would be better. maybe i need some sleep.

wake me with a morning song, sing to me that nothing is wrong, that a rose will never hide a thorn, the sun always shine with my naiveity reborn...

i've resolved upon this course, which has no need of you. denying this day, didn't stop it from coming. promise me, that you won't be consumed when you relise, we're screaming at the same moon...

i've posted 365 blogs, been on blogger for more than two and a half years and still i haven't started commenting on other people's blogs until receintly. i still find it rather unnerving commenting on a post where i'm not sure my view is wanted. there are posts out there that are quite personal and only really written to get the stuff out of their head or to actually get noticed. but in such a situation should you comment? do they want a comment? i tend only to comment if others have before, unless it really is amazing. so far it's been good and i've received friendly replies, but i still don't know. i shouldn't be scared to put a bit of myself on their post, and if they don't want it there they can always delete it. so comment it up, most people appreciate it. i know i do. wink wink nudge nudge. =]

Now open up wide, fist first down your throat, where no beauty lies, and rip out what should have been mine. comfort always made the rescue, we always hoped for the best, i'll burn this with torches and drown in my consideration... (No Hardcore Dancing in the Living Room - Chiodos)(his voice varies quite a bit, but good in the ways of lyrics and music)

Mark said he could hold his own head up and share his mind with the peeling paint on the bedroom wall. one step ahead of the pack of Marlboros. still i don't believe he would take that fall. those things will put you back some paychecks, set you back about a year or two. there's a sick little suicide in all that we do, all that we do...

it is odd how if you swap 'it' and 'is' it can change a statement into a question. is it odd how if you swap 'it' and 'is' it can change a statement into a question? you can see it applies to other words aswell. can you see it applies to other words aswell? so on msn where many have cut down our wonderful english language into textie jargon (eg, 'lol', 'u', 'gr8', 'thnx' 'plz'), would it be understandable if someone, accidentally types "it" and "is" in the reverse order? and accidentally says "it is getting to the stage where you can't trust her with anything" instead of the intended question "is it getting... can't trust her with anything?". would you be understand enough to excuse the error or would you start accusing that someone of just covering up what they really thought with the msn age old "whoops spelling" "oops wrong window" excuses? i would think you would be the better person and not go and then tell the person you were talking about how this friend has betrayed them. i know you wouldn't be a bitch. i know you wouldn't make up stupid stories.
(one of my "friends" experiences, or atleast what she told me when i asked her over e-mail why i never saw her on msn anymore. which she then followed with that her dad was cutting their connection so she would only be able to access her mail 'every now and then'. i want to believe her. i know internet friendships are hard)

mark my words, oh, just a little more, Sarah said, and subtly subsistence is suicide. exercise and malnutrition keep curves tight, 'cause all that matters is what's outside. so says every magazine cover which gallantly assaults our own women and children, but it's not my fault, it's never my fault. we dare bury our three-square fare in a twenty-first century artery and feed beyond our need so pardon me, this is part of me...

there's a sick little suicide in all that we do. there's a sick little suicide in all that we do.. you decide, which one's for you? (Sick Little Suicides - The Matches)

recycled ideas, someone has always thought it before you did.

are we living the lie? humans, as i see it, tend to cover a lot of things up. why? because one in ten people (i pulled that figure from my bum, but i'm sure you're not one of these people) actually beleive appearance is everything, and the other nine are just pulled along for the ride. you don't need to feel good, you need to look good. you don't need to be healthy, you just have to look healthy. you don't need to be happy, you just have to smile. you don't need to do anything as long as you appear to be doing something. you don't need inner beauty, you need make-up. you don't need to know who you are, you just have to pretend to. you don't need to be in control, but you better look like it. to some extent, our generation is the one digging up the racism, the sexism, the animal rights, the ethics, the focus on inner wellbeing. but like every generation before, we bury it before it becomes too hard. too difficult to point out the problems in our little world without being labelled an extremist by people 'who believe in nothing and care about nothing'. one in ten of which actually do. but thats the trend at the moment, isn't it? if you don't care about a problem, its not really a problem. you don't need help, you just need to not care...
get out your shovels, we have some work ahead of us...

i am floating on the reason why we get up everyday, is it just so i can torture myself. should i be responsible for my mistaken peace of mind,this is the only place i am happy. i can jump up and down, but who will listen to me? there it is, i can hear the subtle sound, the waves crashing in the distance...

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. may i welcome you to my 362nd post! three more posts and i've hit a year of posts. or in two i an hit a leap year. It is strange how i have been blogging since Oct 2003 yet still haven't hit the 365 mark. but it is also interesting that as often (or as rarely depending on opinion) as i post, the memories of the blog and the memories from my actual life (i like to think i'm alive) are increasingly different. if i look back through my posts i can easily see that others could perceive me as negative and depressed. but people i know at school wouldn't know me like that, well i hope not. i guess this blog is a little like a collage. just go along with the analogy. imagine someone managed to paint an incrediable accurate picture of your life. then the pictured is torn apart and only certain parts/aspects of the picture/your life, are taken and glued onto a new canvas. now the new scene still depicts your life and emotions etc. but there are parts, and some really important sections missing. you can see that it has been taken from the original painting but you know it isn't complete. but imagine another person views this new painting and is totally unaware of the original. They only see the parts that have been grouped and glued, without the original context or balance that was in the first. And in only seeing that picture they could easily assume that is all there is. black, grey, dark blue and red stains across a scarred canvas...
well thats what i think about my blog... i still love it though...

look up at the sky sometimes, its nice at this time of night

we can succeed, if there's a will then there's a way. all that we need is riding in our wake. as the sun rises, and i look into the sky, what i see is lacking, i look away for the reason that i hurt my eyes, punctuation lacking... (We Can Succeed - Something With Numbers)

you see me, do i look okay to you? give me your hand. i'll shake it, and shake it again. i'll smile 'til my face falls off my head. if its good for you, its good for me too...

hello. i found something odd the other day. 'regenerated imagination' was part of someone's link menu. i don't know who they are, but i liked what they had there and felt privledged that there was a link to my site. i can't beleive i didn't know about it. its a weird feeling being known by someone you don't know... kinda flattering too. if you'd like to check it out the addy is: http://www.indeterminacy.blogspot.com/, its called "The Synchronicity of Indeterminacy". its good, i like the whole idea of the site. so check it out. peace out fellow humans.

"The one thing which we seek with insatiable desire is to forget ourselves...to lose our sempiternal memory, and to do something without knowing how or why...." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

what did i say? why do you give a shit? they're trying, to pry in, to my brain. but i'm gone. i'm running down highways, 'til i see, your face. i just need to see you now, i just need to see you now. and i don't care about anything else... (The More You Talk The Less I Hear - Armor For Sleep)