will you ever be my valentine?

talking through clentched fists and teeth

your dry eyes just stare
at the blank screen
"its all gone", you say
i'm not sure what you mean
in total silence
we both start dreaming
thoughts and hopes
to stop this feeling
so real, so very
close to you
so much, too much
to pretend its not true

and i'll never know
what you thought you knew
because the words you said
never passed through
your tightly balled fists
and your clenched teeth
never allowing me see
what was underneath

the hit approaches
aimed right at my face
i take you in my arms
you struggle in my embrace
slowly you calm down
i still hold you tight
together we just stand
broken in the night
this isn't what we want
there can't just be this
but then i lost all thought
when you hit me with kiss

and i'll never know
what you thought you knew
because the words you said
never passed through
your slightly sweaty hands
and your pressed lips
we'll close our eyes to reality
until it finally slips...

i was walking with a ghost

good morrow fair readers. I do apologise for not writing very often and doubting in your exsistance. I could continue by say "but yada yada", but yada yada i'm not doing that. and there i go again with the "but". to say "but" in the english sence of the word meaning "however" or "although" not ones rear end, is like to sit on the fence. "i like this colour but the blue is speaking to me", or "i like you too but i think we should just be friends" or "yeah i did say you were a slut behind your back but only because i was worried about your future". Like what a load of crap. not that i've ever said any of those quotes, but come on, what a complete load tip-toeing around what you really want and want to say. i've started to get sick of myself for all the little "but"s i put in everywhere. its like i can't go a day without stating two sides to a story with a but inbetween them. maybe it shows i'm open minded or maybe it just shows how undecisive i am. "i want to move english classes but i don't want to leave kathy all by herself" garg. i have to be more stubborn with myself before i can be more stubborn with others. but then again, who knows if i still believe in what i've spent the last ten minutes writing.... and who cares?

but count of twelve

i said please, please don't insist...

ohio is for lovers

what am i doing here? i really should be finishing my oedipus essay. but you know how it is, procrastanation just creeps up on you and suddenly he's your best friend in the world... maybe only friend in the world. i feel i just insulted my friends by saying that, and they are most welcome to put the guilt trip on me, if they ever find out i said it. i'm already sorry for typing it, but honestly, why erase something thats never going to be seen? like why bother? its like that with a lot of things... a lot of the time...
half the time i feel i don't exsist to others, yeah sure i can feel brickwalls and kicks to the shins, but it's like they look over me, as if i were a short kid at the front of the queue. i just want a solid friend, that won't ask why i'd ask them over anyone else for help, that i could always hang out with, without the awkward feeling or feeling like we're smoothering each other...
maybe i just need a boyfriend...
maybe thats it...
bloody hormones

title and registration - death cab for cutie

the glove compartment is inaccurately named
and everybody knows it
so i'm prposing a swift orderly change
cause behind its door there's nothing to keep my fingers warm
and all i find are souveniers from better times
before the gleam of your tail-lights fading east
to find yourself a better life
i was searching for some legal document
as the rain beat down on the hood
when i stumbled upon pictures i tried to forget
and thats how this idea was drilled into my head
cause it's too important
to stay the way it't been
there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
and now that it's gone it's like it wasn't there at all
and here i rest where disappointment and regret collide
lying awake at night...

i hate feeling the same everyday
empty, lonely, worthless, it always come back to something like that
when good days go sour, i waste another hour
i feel a little sick, a little tired, and sick and tired of people using that sick and tired line
bleh