hey hey! its me. as you would expect, being on my blog and everything. But you never know, it could happen, one day it might not be me. and then what would you do? WHAT ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THEN?!? nothing, the exact same thing you're doing now you lazy slob, waste of space. Yeah that last bit was aimed at myself, not at you. you're beautiful. I'm just a little confused. most of the time. I should do some homework... no motivation there... It's not like I have to do it, well I do, but not now. Oh procrastination, I love and loathe you within the same moment in time. *sigh* yeah... its me...
did you ever know, know? no, no, no I didn't, no I did you ever know, know? no, no, no I didn't, no I did you ever know, know? no, no, no I didn't, no I did you ever know, know? no, no, no I didn't, no I did...n't...

oh I don't feel so good. and I hate it. which makes me feel worse. =(
I don't fit in, anywhere. I'm a loner, I'm a drifter, and I hate it all. and its not because of other people at all. its just me, putting it on myself. i feel unwanted and like shit whether I join in or sit out.

are you still at home?
are you still living?
do you feel alone?
tired of giving?

find me a heart that has not been tainted
by the bitterness of this world and time,
give me a heart that has not been tainted,
and I shall give you one that has... mine...

I'm smiling, just thought I'd make a record of that. I had fun, it was cool, and I'm smiling. =)

I don't know how hope survives, through so much pain, in so many lives...

I'm sick of counting sheep,
just make me a place where I can sleep,
away from troubles, away from pain,
never to awake again...

I wish I could say April Fools, or something that would express something that wasn't morbid or depressing. I really do, but the words won't come out. My fingers won't type it. They very well could but they won't. I can't live the lie that everything is peachy keen. But I don't want to dwell on it. Or do I? Do I have this sick and twisted desire to be negative and morbid and unhappy? I bloody well hope not.
I wish I could open up more about this stuff, but it doesn't come out right, if at all when I verbalise it. When someone asks me how I am, how easy it is to say "good and you?". I don't want their pity or judgement. I just want to talk, to hear their stories, to listen. I'm a listener, I like it. Its part of who I am... I guess

I don't want this day,
I don't want this life,
I don't want this pain,
but do I want this knife?