Wednesday, June 21

photos aren't memories, they're not evidence. a fifty-fifty chance of being a lie. just because you were smiling, doesn't mean you were happy. i hoped that you'd remember that. photos deceive us. all smiles and laughter and poses. because we're all so fucking happy aren't we?

as an end comes near, our words start to disappear. into jumbled messes, a language of guesses. little by little, few by fewer, fall asleep, don't pull the trigger...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"just because you were smiling, doesn't mean you were happy" that is true, but when you have lost some one that was the world to you, and all you have left is a photo, it is enough, a fake smile is still a smile!!! You wouldnt smile unless deep down you really wanted to!

4:46 pm, June 21, 2006  
Blogger Frances bo bancess said...

i'm luckily enough to have never lost someone that close. maybe because i've never been that close to anyone. i agree that a fake smile is still a type of smile, but to say that fake smile is enough? enough to do what? to continue on? enough to be happy that they lived and died and enough to ignore that no one really knew why they'd fake a smile?
some people smile because they want to pretend everything is O.K., because they want to look like they're in control, because they don't want to drag others down. they are some reasons to smile, but they don't branch from the original home of a smile.
maybe you're right, that a fake smile is enough. i can acknowledge i'm quite cynical around the topic of happiness, but i still feel that a fake smile in a photo is nothing like a real one in your actual memory. you don't need photos to tell you where and who you've been. although they are pretty to look at.
(if it sounds like i'm trying to shut you down, i'm sorry. i appreciate you commenting on something you have a decent opinion about. thanks)

7:25 pm, June 21, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I mean that even if it is a fake smile, in a photo they are still smiling, looking happy and enjoying themselves. With the photo's I have, maybe they are fake, but looking at it who will ever know?? Tell me, if you lost some one and all you had left was a photo, would you rather they be smiling (real or fake) or looking miserable?? The photo is a way of remembering all the times when my partner was smiling & happy. I dont look back on it and think of all the darkness. I see it and remember all the good times, that is what I mean by its enough. Nobody will ever know if you mean the smile or not....

11:29 am, June 22, 2006  
Blogger Frances bo bancess said...

yeah.. i can agree with that. i guess i was focusing on the first person too much and not seeing the effect it has on the people around us. i know i would want to see them smiling...

5:00 pm, June 22, 2006  
Blogger Indeterminacy said...

This post awed me because it puts into words what I think has been happening with my own blog project. Photos have taken on entirely new, unintended meanings, unattached from the actual memory, which is unknown to me anyhow. I've posted found photos along with stories the photos inspired me to write.

When I started I wanted to write realistic little stories that could have been the reality of the photos. But that never turned out. I just can't help writing stories that are impossible, that can never be real. They are definitely fictions, or fantasies... or lies. I don't know if they ever get close to any kind of truth.

Your statement awed me again: "as an end comes near, our words start to disappear. into jumbled messes, a language of guesses. little by little, few by fewer, fall asleep, don't pull the trigger..." describes my state of mind writing many of the stories. It used to be easy, but I was staying up into the late night hours, half asleep, and writing words out of some sort of half slumber, not knowing what I was writing, words that I could only look at coherently the next morning.

8:23 pm, July 03, 2006  

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