Wednesday, October 25

cease to coexist.
there is something beautiful about hopelessness. i don't truly understand it, but it is there. tucked under the pained expression. the limbo between doing nothing because it wouldn't change a thing or doing anything, because at the end of the day it wouldn't matter at all. but in lacking hope, nothing accomplished means anything, anything accomplished means nothing. i don't know which way that sentence should go. its the feeling when you wake up in a warm, comfortable bed and realise that you could spend your whole day here and it wouldn't make a difference, the world would still spin and orbit the sun, the moon will still orbit the earth and people would go on with their lives without you. the only life you really make a difference in, is your own. in suffering from hopelessness, that doesn't matter. it doesn't matter unless you ignore your hopelessness and just push forward. when you start to push, then things will start to matter, and hope may return. although i hate the feeling of hopelessness, i still think it is beautiful. that could just be because it can be such a strong emotion, like love, lust, sympathy, hate, depression and hope. 'nothing' can be a dominant emotion, if you would call it an emotion at all, but there is nothing beautiful about 'nothing'. it is the empy void of emotion, including hopelessness, it is the indifference that bleeds out the colour and substance in life. hopelessness is beautiful because it tells you that you can feel, that you care about something, that you can see, that you can breathe, that you're still alive in body, soul and mind. nothing hurts if you're indifferent because you can't feel anything at all, all you have is an empty vessel that you don't hate or love, it just is. so please excuse me for seeing beauty in something like hopelessness, i just feel the positives of pain should be expressed and realised that things could be much worse.

halfway to the bottom, instantly forgotten, i don't know, which way to go. is it wiser never to speak, than raise your voice and never be heard? never be heard, never be heard... (halfway to the bottom - aqualung)


Blogger Indeterminacy said...

It's a beautiful post, a complex emotion: I think we spend all our lives fighting hopelessness.

5:59 pm, October 27, 2006  
Blogger Frances bo bancess said...

Thanks indie. i really agree with your point, i think we also do a lot of fighting with other emotions to fit with what wee want or what is correct for a situation, but hopelessness is definatly one of the big bullies. Hope your next story's up soon ;)

6:25 pm, October 27, 2006  

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