a rude joke from my tweens, i still to some extent love telling it, and thus why it is here. i didn't make it up, but it's not word for word, you know how these things work.

Three men were sitting at the bar in a pub that neighboured a vacant lot maintained by some nearsighted nuns who lived in the abbey down the street (how convenient you might say). It was a slow moving afternoon and so for some fun the bartender decide to place a little bet with them.
"I will give unlimited beers to anyone who goes next door, paints their John (i have no problem saying penis, it just doesn't fit in the bartenders character to) like a mushroom, lays down and waits for the nuns to come."
A little perplexed by this bet, the first man still thought it'd be a bit of a hoot and driven by the promise of free beer went next door and waited for the nuns.
Not more than 5 minutes past before a nun comes skipping through the field, she is quite small and of a skinny build and she is singing; "one mushroom tra-la-la, two mushroom tra-la-la, three mushroom eeek!" The nun runs off and the man gets his free beer.
The second man sees how easy (in his opinion) the bet is and so goes and lies down in the field awaiting the next nun. Again, a nun soon comes skipping into the field, more of an average size than the first, she also begins to sing; "one mushroom tra-la-laa, two mushroom tra-la-laa, three mushroom eeewwwww!" And the nun runs off and the man gets his beer.
The third man is all for it now, easy free beer and peer pressure lead him out into the field. Conveniently, another nun comes into the field, quite bigger than the other two nuns, the ground shakes a little as she skips and sings; "one mushroom tra-la-laa, two mushroom tra-la-laa, three mushroom uh! tra-la-laa"

aha, ha, ha *awkward*. it's much better told than read... maybe...
sorry for the mediocrity of late, can't say it won't happen again though.