Monday, April 10

don't tell me it's worth it

"i feel like shit"
"what?? how come?"
"i don't know"
"there would have to be something thats making you feel bad"
"i don't know... its like i don't care about anything anymore i just keep marching forward like a brain dead soldier"
"are you sure there isn't anything thats bothering you?"
"yes... no.. i don't know... arg i hate this, why won't it just end?"
"well if you don't know what it is, its hard to say why it won't, maybe you need to acknowedge the problem"
"don't you understand? there isn't a problem, just nothing, only nothing. my whole world is an empty void and i can't seem to make it better... nothing is wrong"
"you seem to be talking like something is"
"i'm fine"
"well if you need to talk, you know where i am"
"yeah.. thanks..."

"... i don't want this anymore"
"don't want what?"
"this, this feeling, this life, anything that connects me to it"
"don't yo start talking like that, just because things seem bad now doesn't mean they won't get better"
"it doesn't mean they won't get worse.. i just want this over and done with"
"please stop thinking like that, you know very well that there are heaps of people out there who love you and would be completely broken if you... went away. i know i would"
"i don't know anything anymore... but thank you for trying its good to have proof that someone cares"
"don't do this"
"i'm sorry..."
"it'll be worth it if you hold on"
"don't tell me it's worth it"

thats was the conversation you and i had inside my head just moments ago.... i wonder if you even heard one word... maybe its better you didn't... i'm glad i didn't really tell you what's bothering me... i miss talking to you so much... where have you gone?


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