Thursday, March 20

Leave the ocean's roar in the turquoise shell, leave the widower in his private hell, leave the liberty in that broken bell today... Just leave the epic poem on its yellowed page, leave the gray macaw in his covered cage, let the traveling band on the interstate remain...

a different strain of deja vu, the same emotion with a new experience, the nauseating tug that makes it all feel all too familiar. except it's worse because you thought you were past that, but it just keeps oscillating back and forth, like radio waves humming static in my ears. it brings frustration and whittles away at my tolerance for nice people with stupid questions, mixing my bitterness with remorse. and i know it's something i should let go of, but i can't help my clenching fists as i realize the easy going attitude others pin to my name is really indifference. i insist that i 'don't mind' rather than i 'don't care' but in all honesty it's just so i'm not disappointed. why show the frown in company? i can be sad when i'm just a nameless face in a crowd. exclusion hurts less if you're the one in control, at least thats the idea. but it's not the hope, it's not the dream, it's not anything. it's dry and tasteless and lonely... gah, this teenage angst really doesn't match my shoes...
i don't often receive phone calls, so my manner may be lacking, but if you get a call asking if you'll be at a lecture, do you assume that they will sit with you? petty i know, but it just added salt to a sour wound and i'm more of a sweet tooth than that. once a hopeless romantic but now i'm just hopeless... gah, i really do apologize, my diary keeping skills are appalling, thus making this the only outlet.
hope you're happy. peace.

Leave the secret talks on the trundle bed, leave the garden tools in the rusted shed, leave those bad ideas in your troubled head today... Just leave the restless ghost in his old hotel, leave the homeless man out in that cardboard cell, let the painted horse on the carousel remain... Cause everything it must belong somewhere, just like the gold around her finger or the silver in his hair, yeah, everything it must belong somewhere, I know that now, that's why I'm staying here...
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here... (i must belong somewhere - bright eyes)


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