feeling the complete sadness of it all and wanting to cry... but the tears never come... i don't know whats wrong with me... i don't even know where this sadness is coming from... there are possible sources... but they feel more like excuses than the real reasons... i wish i knew why i feel like this... it would make things so much nicer... maybe this is all because i'm not adaptable to accepting life is nice... maybe this is all in my head and really i'm perfectly fine... perfectly ok... i wish i felt fine... i wish i was okay... maybe i shouldn't wish for something i already have, but what if i don't have it after all?

my head hurts