breakdown of communication... well i guess it had to exist first to actually then breakdown, so really it's just lacking all together.
okay, rant time. so after the separation the plan was my sister and i would spend one week at mum's and one week at dad's, a plan we were kind of forced into, but anyway. that stopped about four months ago when dad started doing afternoon shifts and there was no point going over there because we'd leave before he got up, come home after he left for work and be asleep when he got home. we were sick of the whole moving our lives every second week, i personally think a year and seven months is quite enough to put up with that. well then dad went back to his normal shifts, and expected the routine to go back to "normal", which sis and i were completely opposed to, and so we responded the way we normally do when dad is totally off the mark, remain silent and hope it goes away, until mum usually speaks for us (they're still on good speaking terms), using gentle words and reasoning that doesn't show dad to be at fault. it's a fantastically cowardly system, but it works well. but now i really have to talk to him, and it isn't going to be nice for anyone, because he has arranged my birthday dinner to be at his place on my actual birthday, which happens to be a friday night. so my reasons for absolutly hating this "kind gesture" are 1. he didn't ask me 2. he sent me the same sms as my other three siblings, telling us that dinner was at his for my birthday 3. sent it around the first of october even though my birthday isn't until the 16th of november, giving him the right to say "it's not like i didn't give you enough notice" and cornering me into going because i hadn't even thought about my birthday and the fact that it is impossible to organize people my age that far in advance, and as if i would? 4. hasn't mentioned it since, meaning i will have to bring it up 5. i know he'll cook a roast, it's all he cooks for "special events", and i don't want a roast (i can draw the line here, it is my birthday) 6. the whole thing just makes me angry, which then makes me annoyed because i feel like crap because i'm being all cold while dad is "trying" and feel like a selfish little shit for looking at it only how it'll inconvenience me. me me me. but it's my birthday. i want just one day...
gah... don't sympathise with me, it'll just make me feel worse, and i'm feeling very egocentric right now.
okay, rant time. so after the separation the plan was my sister and i would spend one week at mum's and one week at dad's, a plan we were kind of forced into, but anyway. that stopped about four months ago when dad started doing afternoon shifts and there was no point going over there because we'd leave before he got up, come home after he left for work and be asleep when he got home. we were sick of the whole moving our lives every second week, i personally think a year and seven months is quite enough to put up with that. well then dad went back to his normal shifts, and expected the routine to go back to "normal", which sis and i were completely opposed to, and so we responded the way we normally do when dad is totally off the mark, remain silent and hope it goes away, until mum usually speaks for us (they're still on good speaking terms), using gentle words and reasoning that doesn't show dad to be at fault. it's a fantastically cowardly system, but it works well. but now i really have to talk to him, and it isn't going to be nice for anyone, because he has arranged my birthday dinner to be at his place on my actual birthday, which happens to be a friday night. so my reasons for absolutly hating this "kind gesture" are 1. he didn't ask me 2. he sent me the same sms as my other three siblings, telling us that dinner was at his for my birthday 3. sent it around the first of october even though my birthday isn't until the 16th of november, giving him the right to say "it's not like i didn't give you enough notice" and cornering me into going because i hadn't even thought about my birthday and the fact that it is impossible to organize people my age that far in advance, and as if i would? 4. hasn't mentioned it since, meaning i will have to bring it up 5. i know he'll cook a roast, it's all he cooks for "special events", and i don't want a roast (i can draw the line here, it is my birthday) 6. the whole thing just makes me angry, which then makes me annoyed because i feel like crap because i'm being all cold while dad is "trying" and feel like a selfish little shit for looking at it only how it'll inconvenience me. me me me. but it's my birthday. i want just one day...
gah... don't sympathise with me, it'll just make me feel worse, and i'm feeling very egocentric right now.
posted by Frances bo bancess at Saturday, October 20, 2007
2 Comments:
You are not being selfish.
It sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with your Dad. I know it won't be easy, but unless you want things to continue like this it has to be done.
yeah... it'll happen eventually... thanks whim
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